Dear Dave,
My husband and I are debt-free, including our home. My husband is a great guy, and a talented man, but he’s also a bit of a dreamer sometimes. He has written three or four novels that haven’t been accepted by publishers. He feels he’s close to a breakthrough, and he asked me the other day about my thoughts on selling our home and living on the money we make so he can really concentrate, and work on thenewbookfull-time.Iwant him to pursue his dream, but this idea scares me. What do you think about it?
Emily Dear Emily,
First of all, congratulations on being completely debt-free! That’s a huge accomplishment, and I’m really happy for you two.
Now, about your husband’s idea. It sounds to me like he’s a good man. And he obviouslyhasdrive,focusand discipline if he’s been able to write that many novels in his spare time and be part of you reaching such a great financial point in your lives. But I think it would be a huge mistake for you guys to sell your home, especially when he hasn’t proven he can sell anything he writes.
I understand where his head is right now, believe me. He wants to write and be a successful, full-time novelist. That’s a great dream to have. It’s one I sincerely hope he can achieve one day. But my advice right now would be for him to keep his day job, and continue working his tail off nights and weekends to try andmakehisdreamareality. As part of that, I’d suggest drawing up a strategy to get some exposure for the books he has already written. Develop a website highlighting his work. Maybe he could self-publish a few dozen copies, then contact local libraries and civic groups for an opportunity to speak. In the process, he might sell a few books and get his name out there.
It may take longer than he’d like, but that’s honestly a much better idea than the one he has now. It will allow him to pursue his passion, work toward a goal and not run the risk of putting his family in financial danger.
— Dave Dear Dave,
I’m 25, and I work as a property manager making $65,000 a year. I’m in the middle of paying off my debts, but I’m struggling to stay intense about it. I’m in a long-distance relationship that forces me to spend a lot of money to see my boyfriend. He’s not working right now, and it’s been a while since his last job. That means I’m always spending extra on gas and other things to make the eight-hour, round-trip drive twice a month so we can spend time together. We’ve been together for almost two years, but I’m honestly beginning to wonder if it’s worth it. He doesn’t seem to mind not working, and that bothers me, too.
Naya Dear Naya,
It should bother you. So, why isn’t this guy working? Why isn’t he putting forth a little effort to come see you? Are you saying he doesn’t even have a part-time job? From what you’ve told me, it doesn’t sound like he’s got much standing in the way of visiting you once in a while. A man who wants to work can always find something to do. Tell him to run down to Home Depot, and buy a leaf bloweroralawnmower.Help him out with the purchase, if you can afford it. Most rich people are afraid of leaves and grass, and they’ll pay someone to take care of them. If he can’t—or won’t— do that, then as far as I’m concerned he’s disqualifying himself from being boyfriend material, let alone husband material.
Everything you’re seeing in him right now will be magnifiedinmarriage—both good and bad. You’ve got a bright future ahead of you, young lady. You’ve got a good job, and you’re smart enough to realize the wisdom in getting out of debt and handling yourfinancesinamatureand responsible way. You’ve got so much going for you. And I want you to start putting more value on yourself.
Naya, you need to stay in your town, and invite him to come see you. If he’s willing to find a way to make some money and starts doing this, he might be worthy of having an important place in your life. But, if he’s unwilling to become gainfully employed, and put out at least a little effort to see you on his dime, I think you should move on.
— Dave