Dear Dave,
My wife and I have been married for less than a year, and we’re already having disagreements over money. I love her, and one of the reasons I do is because she has such a giving heart. The problem is I feel like she’s taking this too far. Often, she will give money to family and friends. Most of the time I wouldn’t mind this, as long as the person really needed help. But often she will do this, and we end up short when it comes to taking care of our bills, paying off debt and saving. How can I approach her about this without causing more stress in our relationship?
Jacob Dear Jacob,
Your wife’s heart is in the right place. And generosity is a very attractive quality in a person. Still, that doesn’t makewhatshe’sdoingagood idea right now.
I’m going to be blunt with you, okay? This kind of behavior is financially irresponsible. Her intentions are admirable, but she’s going overboard. If it’s causing stress in your marriage, and you two are having trouble taking care of your own financial obligations, you have every right to be frustrated. I want you to really hear this: Broke people can’t help broke people. By this, I mean only the strong can help the weak. Right now, you two should be working together—as a team—to get your own financial house in order. And by that, I mean workinghardtobecomedebtfree, then saving up a fully loadedemergencyfund.Once that’s done, you should start setting something aside for retirement. Then, and only then, once all that has been taken care of, and you have a friend or family member who’s truly in financial need, you can give whatever you both agree is a proper, affordable amount.
Look, I’m a big giver at my business and in my personal life. But you two need to take care of yourselves right now. Sit down with your wife, and gently explain this to her. She’s a good lady, Jacob. Praise her for her giving heart. But at the same time, show her what’s happening with your own finances and how you’ll be better able to help the people around you once you pay off your debt, and start saving money.
God bless you both.
— Dave Dave,
I’m about to open my first business. I listen to the EntreLeadership podcast, but I’d like to ask a direct question. How do I create a workplace atmosphere and culture that encourages fun and creativity, while also being productive?
Anton Anton,
This is a great question! Let’s dive right in.
As a leader, you set the tone for your team. If you’re unhappy, your team will be, too. If you’re slacking, your team won’t feel like working. Make sure you check your attitude every morning. Be optimistic! Genuine laughter and a real smile from the boss can instantly be uplifting to everyone. When you don’t work, your team doesn’t feel like working.
I believe one of the keys to keeping your team engaged and happy is by doing work that matters. As a rule, when people play for something bigger than themselves, they play smarter and harder. Remind your team often that what they’re doing is important. Encouragethem.There aren’t many things that lift people’s spirits more than believing in a dream and a vision bigger than themselves. Another thing is to treat your team like family. Treat them all with respect, a caring heart and dignity. In the book Thou Shall Prosper, Rabbi Daniel Lapin tells us God is pleased when we’re compulsively, obsessively consumed with the needs of others. That’s easy to grasp when it comes to our families, but applying it to your team at work can reap incredible benefits, too.
Finally, let’s talk about communication. A lack of it creates fear, distrust and even anger. The result? Employees who are uninformed and fear the worst, instead of a team that’s up-to-date and united. Always let your team know what’s going on—the good and the bad. Talk it up, and share your stories, your thoughts and your dreams. Be transparent, and when in doubt, overshare.
I’m glad this is on your mind, Anton. It’s such an important aspect of a truly successful business. By simply being open, honest and caring, you can create a team that likes coming to work every day and enjoys being together.
And when that happens, everyone wins!
-Dave Dear Dave, my mind, in-depth, detailed pre-marital counseling is an absolute must. I mean, you wouldn’t try to run a marathon without adequate preparation, right? So, why on earth would you promise yourself to someone else in something that’s supposed to last a lifetime without properly preparing yourself? Please understand, when I say pre-marital counseling, I’m not talking about one hour-long meeting, shaking hands with the preacher and everything’s good to go. I mean getting into the important parts of life that every couple should agree on. It’s been my experience that most couples stand a really good chance of having a successful marriage when they agree in detail on four things ahead of time. I’m talking about money, kids, religion and in-laws.
When it comes to money, find out who’s the spender and who’s the saver. Be honest, no matter how embarrassing everything may be, andconstructagameplanfor your finances you both agree
Dave Ramsey is a seventime #1 national best-selling author, personal finance expert, and host of The Dave Ramsey Show, heard by more than 16 million listeners each week. He has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Today Show, Fox News, CNN, Fox Business, and many more. Since 1992, Dave has helped people regain control of their money, build wealth and enhance their lives. He also serves as CEO for Ramsey Solutions.
on that includes living on a written, monthly budget. With kids, the big question is do you want them or not? If so, how many? When? Are you on the same page when it comes to teaching them and applying discipline?
Next, be in agreement on religion. Statistically speaking, twopeoplefromthesame faith have a much better chance of making a marriage work. And finally, when it comes to your future in-laws, you both need to know what you’re getting into. What are they really like—the good and the bad—and where are the boundaries when it comes to their influence in your lives?
Grant, everyone has a past. And we all have opinions. But to have the best chance at a long, strong and happy marriage, these issues should be talked about, dealt with and agreed upon before you’re pronounced husband and wife.