A SK DAVE
Dear Dave,
My wife and I have worked hard for many years. We’ve tried to be smart with our money, and follow your principles of saving, spending and giving. Our financial situation is pretty good now. We are debt-free, we’re both close to retirement, and we have a net worth of around $2.7 million. We would like to start giving back at this point in our lives. There are several organizations we’re interested in helping, but how can we know for sure which ones we can trust to use our money wisely?
Luis
Dear Luis,
I hate to say it, but it’s hard to be 100% sure about these kinds of things. I’m really proud of what you two have been able to accomplish together. I also love the fact thatyoubothwanttogiveand take the matter so seriously. But really, about the best you can do is to put in serious time digging beneath the surface of the organizations you have in mind. Devote lots of effort to researching them, and decide together which organizations are comfortable fits for you both.
My wife and I give most of our donations to Christian ministries. And it’s not unusual for us to take a tour of a place to see what it looks like up close, and talk about the feeling we get while we’re there. If the staff or management aren’t open or forthcoming with anything we consider to be basic information, or if we see signs of financial mismanagement, you better believe it sends up a red flag.
Don’t get me wrong. People who work for charitable organizations have as much of a right to make a decent living as anyone else. But if they appear to be a little too well off, it could be a sign they’re not being responsible with their donations. Take a look at things like their administrative costs, what percentage of donations goes directly to the cause they represent and anything else thatwouldhelpyoutwomake the right decision. You could even ask the leaders directly what they plan to do with the money from your donation. You have a right to know this. Giving is like anything else, Luis. It takes some time and hard work to do it intelligently and responsibly. And don’t forget to pray about it, too. Prayer should always be part of any big decisions you make!
— Dave Dear Dave,
Our son used to own and run his own small business, until it went bankrupt a few months ago. We let him move in with us, because he hasn’t been able to find another job and had nowhere else to turn. My husband and I are both getting close to retirement age, and we’re not sure what to do in order to get our son on his feet and back out in the world again.
Elisabeth Dear Elisabeth,
As a parent, I understand where you’re coming from. You don’t want to kick a kid when he’s down, but you don’t want to participate in, or allow him to wallow around in, a bunch of selfpity. Everyone needs a little time to catch their breath when really bad things happen. But right now, you need to help him reset his mind and start taking practicalstepstowardbeing a productive, self-sufficient adult again.
First off, let’s define what helping your son really means. In my mind, you haven’t helped him at all if he’s still living with you a year from now. That’s called being an enabler. But it’s not going to help him if you just shove him out the door saying, “You’re a man! Handle it!” I think you and your husband—together— should formulate a progressive plan somewhere between those two extremes.Onethatincludes a deadline date for him to move out, but in the meantime helps him rebuild his dignity and self-respect.
As part of living with you, I’d require him to do a few things. One is that he abides by your household rules. If he’s going to live in your home, he should help out around the place and behave in ways you and your husband consider appropriate. Another, is thinking about career steps. He could start with a parttime job to get some money in his pockets. Then, help him actively work on longterm career goals and how to attain them.
And don’t let him neglect his physical and mental wellbeing during all this. He needs to be engaged in some kind of regular physical activity, even if you and your husband pay for it temporarily. An inexpensive gym membership, or used exercise equipment would be a great start. Exercise also stimulates the mind, and he needs that right now, too.
Going through what your sonhasexperiencedistough on anyone, at any age. It can lead to depression if you don’t engage regularly in activities and goal setting. Encourage him, Elisabeth. Walk with him during this time. If he’s not involved with a good church, this would be a great time for him to start looking for one. Your son has plenty of productive years ahead of him. He just needs a little love and support to get him back on his feet and moving again.
— Dave